For many families, the hardest conversations are often the most important ones. Talking about what you want to happen when you die, or if you lose capacity, can feel uncomfortable. Yet, these discussions can make all the difference for your loved ones. They provide clarity, prevent confusion, and make sure your wishes are carried out the way you intend.
At SLS Wills and More, we often see the relief that comes once people finally talk things through. It’s never too early to start these conversations, but it can easily become too late.
Why It’s Important to Talk About Your Wishes
It’s easy to assume that your family “just knows” what you’d want, but this is rarely the case. When no one is sure what your wishes are, it can lead to disagreements, delays, or even legal disputes. Having open, honest discussions helps to:
- Make your wishes known and respected
- Reduce stress for your loved ones
- Avoid family conflict
- Ensure that legal and financial matters are handled properly
What Can Go in a Letter of Wishes
A Letter of Wishes is a personal, informal document that accompanies your Will. It doesn’t have legal force, but it gives helpful guidance to your executors, trustees, and family. You can include:
- Your reasons for how you’ve distributed your estate
- Guidance for guardians of children
- Wishes about personal belongings or family heirlooms
- Instructions for pets
- Preferences for funeral arrangements
- Messages of thanks or explanations for certain decisions
A Letter of Wishes should be written in clear, plain language and kept alongside your Will. It’s best to review and update it whenever your circumstances change.
What Should Go in a Will
Your Will is a formal, legally binding document. It’s where you state:
- Who will administer your estate (your executors)
- Who will inherit your property, money, and possessions
- Who will be guardian of any minor children
- Any specific gifts or legacies
- Funeral preferences (if you want them legally recorded)
Unlike a Letter of Wishes, your Will must follow strict legal formalities to be valid. It’s vital that it’s drafted correctly, signed, and witnessed properly.
What Shouldn’t Go in a Will or Letter of Wishes
Some matters are best handled separately from your Will or Letter of Wishes. These include:
- Passwords, digital logins, or PINs – these can change often and should be stored securely elsewhere
- Jointly owned property or assets with named beneficiaries – these usually pass automatically and don’t form part of your estate
- Medical decisions or care preferences – these should be covered by Lasting Powers of Attorney (LPA), not a Will. We often advocate the use of a separate letter of wishes for Lasting Powers of Attorney, or an Advance Medical Decision.
Don’t Forget About Lasting Powers of Attorney
A Lasting Power of Attorney (LPA) lets you appoint trusted people to make decisions for you if you lose mental capacity. There are two types:
- Property and Financial Affairs LPA – covering money, property, and finances
- Health and Welfare LPA – covering medical treatment, care decisions, and daily living
Having both in place means that your wishes can be respected even while you’re still alive but unable to communicate them yourself.
Planning for Your Funeral
You can express your funeral preferences in your Will or Letter of Wishes, but it’s also wise to discuss them directly with your family. Some people choose to take out a prepaid funeral plan to ease the financial and emotional burden on loved ones.
Starting the Conversation
These discussions can be sensitive, but you don’t have to face them alone. A calm, practical conversation can help your family understand what matters most to you. Consider raising the topic at a natural time – perhaps when updating your Will or arranging a Power of Attorney.
If you need guidance on how to record your wishes properly, we’re here to help.
SLS Wills and More
Office 4, Garrity House, Miners Way, Aylesham, Canterbury CT3 3BF
Phone: 01304 577998
Email: hello@slswillsandmore.co.uk
